If I Told You Who It Was

I was down in music city ’bout a week ago
I wanted to see the brand old Loper show
So I held a cap and I headed down to Opryland
They said they sold their last ticked the day before
So I kinda just hung around the backstage door
And down the steps she came, men oh men
My favourite female country star
She waved her fans and headed for her car
Her tire, unlike her body, was very flat
She said, could you change my tire
I said your wish is my desire
As she raised the lid, I grabbed her bomber jack
She said I sure do appreciate you’re changing my tire

If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
You’d say I was making it up
You’ve seen her on the screen and in country magazines
You’d think I was making it up
She said it was our little secret and by golly
Oh I’m gonna keep it
Anyway you wouldn’t believe it
If I told you who it was

She said you need a lift and I said well
You can drop me of at the York motel
So we headed down Briley parkway in the town
I told her I got all your records ma’am
She smiled and said well I be damned
She said, you’re kind of cute fellar, wanna mess around?
When we got to my room just the people lied
I said sure wish I could’ve heard you sing tonight
She smiled at me and said what do you wanna hear?
Well if I was one of them country music folks
I’ll tell you, she’d sure get my vote for the best performance of the year

If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
You’d say I was making it up
You’ve seen her on the screen and in country magazines
You’d think I was making it up
She said it was our little secret and by golly
Oh I’m gonna keep it
Anyway you wouldn’t believe it
If I told you who it was

Well I tell you this much
When I put my arms around her and squeezed her real tight
She looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes
Took a deep breath in the side and said:
“Howdy I’m just so proud to be here!”

If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
You’d say I was making it up
You’ve seen her on the screen and in country magazines
You’d think I was making it up
She said it was our little secret and by golly
Oh I’m gonna keep it
Anyway you wouldn’t believe it
If I told you who it was